Ask Me

LONGLISTED FOR THE WOMEN'S PRIZE FOR NON-FICTION 2026

'Stunningly poetic and vulnerable . . . If this book doesn’t change your perspective on relationships, nothing will’ GILLIAN ANDERSON
'A fascinating and big-hearted portrait of sex, intimacy and non-monogamy' CLOVER STROUD
'Will leave you thrilled and humming with possibility' YAEL VAN DER WOUDEN
'A candid and insightful perspective on love in all its forms' STYLIST
''Written with verve and style, connecting sexual freedom to a rich, multi-faceted ancestry' NANA DARKOA SEKYIAMAH
'A brave and elegantly executed memoir about the power of writing your own rules, shaking off shame and fighting for a marriage to work' THE TIMES


What if you dared to want more – from love, from life, from yourself?

Deepa Paul rises from her boyfriend’s bed in the early hours of dawn. She gets dressed, slips away
with a kiss and cycles home, where she is welcomed lovingly by her husband. There isn’t a glimmer of shame, deception or guilt, only the honesty and compassion needed to make this kind of life
possible – even if it wasn’t always this easy.

Whose idea was it? What are the rules? Are you ever jealous? Deepa answers these questions openly and tenderly, as she seeks truths that many of us long to discover, but few dare to ask. Is there more to life and love than what I’ve always known? Do I deserve it? Is it worth it?

Intimate and bold, this is one woman’s story of becoming, of desire and of identity, and of finding the answers she believed she deserved – one question at a time.

*Previously published in hardback as Ask Me How It Works: Love in an Open Marriage*